It all started last February
Look, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh great, another article about self-improvement.’ But hear me out. I’m not here to sell you some magic pill or tell you to wake up at 5am. I’m just gonna share what happened when I decided to say ‘no’ more often. And honestly, it changed everything.
It was February 14th, 2022, to be exact. Valentine’s Day. I was at this overpriced restaurant in Chicago with my friend, let’s call her Marcus. We were splitting a $87 bottle of wine (don’t judge), and she asked me why I always looked so exhausted. I mean, I was exhausted. Between work, side projects, social committments, and trying to maintain some semblance of a personal life, I was running on fumes.
That’s when I decided to try something radical. I was gonna start saying ‘no’ more often. Not to everything, just to the stuff that didn’t light me up. The stuff that left me feeling drained instead of fulfilled.
First, the obvious stuff
Now, I’m not talking about quitting my job or moving to a cabin in the woods (although, honestly, some days). I started small. Like, really small. I stopped saying ‘yes’ to every invite that came my way. You know, the ones you say yes to out of guilt or obligation? Yeah, those.
My friend Dave, who’s basically the king of FOMO, didn’t get it at first. ‘But what if it’s fun?’ he asked. ‘What if you miss out?’ I told him, ‘Dave, I’ve been to 17 birthday parties in the past year. I’ve had enough cake to last a lifetime. I’m good.’
And get this, the world didn’t end. In fact, I realized something important. When you stop doing things out of obligation, you make space for the stuff you actually wanna do. Like, duh, right? But honestly, it took me 36 years to figure it out.
Then, the not-so-obvious stuff
Here’s where it gets interesting. I started saying ‘no’ to habits and routines that weren’t serving me. Like, why was I checking my email at 11:30pm? Who even am I? And why was I spending hours scrolling through social media every night? It was completley mindless. So, I stopped. Cold turkey.
I know, I know. It’s not groundbreaking. But here’s the thing, I replaced those habits with stuff that actually made me feel good. Like reading, or taking a walk, or just sitting in silence for a bit. It’s crazy how much better I felt. And if you’re looking for some healthy habits daily routine tips, you should totally check out this site I found. It’s got some great ideas.
But here’s the kicker. Saying ‘no’ isn’t just about freeing up time. It’s about setting boundaries. It’s about respecting yourself enough to know what you want and don’t want. And honestly, that’s a game-changer.
A tangent about coffee
Okay, so this isn’t really about coffee, but bear with me. About three months into my ‘Year of No,’ I was at this coffee shop on 5th. You know the one, with the weird art on the wall and the barista who always gets my order wrong. I was sitting there, sipping my latte, when I realized something. I didn’t like coffee. Like, at all. I only drank it because everyone else did. Because it was the ‘cool’ thing to do. But honestly, I’d rather drink a glass of water.
So, I stopped. And guess what? The world kept turning. No one cared. And I felt a little bit freer. It’s the little things, you know?
But here’s the thing…
Saying ‘no’ isn’t always easy. It can be uncomfortable. It can be awkward. But it’s also liberating. It’s empowering. And honestly, it’s necessary. Because if you’re always saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything, you’re saying ‘no’ to yourself.
And look, I’m not saying you should become a hermit. Or that you should stop being a good friend, or a good employee. But what I am saying is this: it’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay to say ‘no.’
So, here’s to saying ‘no.’ To the stuff that doesn’t matter. To the stuff that drains you. To the stuff that’s not yours to do. Because when you say ‘no’ to the right things, you make space for the ‘yes’s that really matter.
And honestly, that’s what life’s all about.
About the Author
Sarah Miller has been a senior magazine editor for over 20 years. She’s written for major publications, traveled the world, and has a cat named Miso. She lives in Chicago with her partner, a plant named Dave, and a collection of vintage typewriters. She’s opinionated, flawed, and always up for a good debate over coffee (that she doesn’t actually like).
If you’re looking to reconnect with yourself and improve your daily life, don’t miss this inspiring story about letting go of phone distractions and embracing real-world relationships.
