Look, I’m Gonna Be Honest Here
I used to be a yes-person. A people-pleaser. A doormat. You name it, I was it. I’d agree to anything, go to any length, bend over backward to make sure everyone around me was happy. And you know what? It was exhausting. It was completley draining. It was, frankly, stupid.
It all came to a head about three months ago. I was sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by 147 unopened emails, a sink full of dirty dishes, and a to-do list that looked like it had been written by a serial killer. My best friend, let’s call her Marcus, walked in and took one look at me. She said, “Liz, you look like hell.” I asked, “Thanks, Marcus, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.” She told me, “No, seriously, you look like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
So, I did some reading. I talked to some people. I even went to a conference in Austin (which, by the way, is way too hot in August). And I learned something that changed my life: saying no is not just okay, it’s necessary. It’s healthy. It’s, dare I say, liberating.
But How Do You Say No?
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? It’s not like there’s a magic phrase that suddenly makes you impervious to guilt or obligation. It’s a skill, like any other. And like any skill, it takes practice.
I started small. I said no to the PTA’s request for me to organize the bake sale. I said no to my cousin’s invitation to his third wedding. I said no to the guy at the gym who wanted me to spot him on his bench press. (Look, I’m not gonna lie, that last one was kinda fun.)
And you know what? The world didn’t end. In fact, it got better. I had more time. I had less stress. I had more physicaly and mental energy. It was amazing.
But here’s the thing: saying no isn’t just about you. It’s about the other person, too. It’s about setting boundaries, not burning bridges. So, how do you say no without sounding like a jerk? Well, it’s not easy. But it’s possible.
First, be honest. If you don’t want to do something, say so. Don’t make up some lame excuse. Just say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” It’s simple. It’s direct. And it’s respectful.
Second, be firm. Don’t waffle. Don’t hem and haw. Don’t say, “I don’t know” or “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it.” Just say no. Be decisive. Be confident. Be unapologetic.
Third, be kind. Remember, the other person is human, too. They have feelings. They have needs. They have desires. So, be gentle. Be compassionate. Be understanding.
And finally, be prepared. Because saying no is gonna ruffle some feathers. It’s gonna cause some waves. It’s gonna make some people unhappy. But that’s okay. Because in the end, it’s your life. It’s your committment. It’s your succesfully.
But What About the Guilt?
Oh, the guilt. The guilt is real. The guilt is powerful. The guilt is, quite frankly, a bitch.
But here’s the thing: guilt is a choice. It’s a feeling, yes, but it’s also a decision. You can choose to feel guilty. Or you can choose not to. And I choose not to.
Because here’s the truth: saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you selfish. It doesn’t make you uncaring. It makes you human. It makes you normal. It makes you sane.
And if anyone has a problem with that, well, they can just deal with it. Because I’m done with the guilt. I’m done with the obligation. I’m done with the aquisition of other people’s expectations.
A Tangent: The Power of ‘No’ in the Newsroom
Speaking of expectations, let me tell you about my old job. I used to work at a newspaper, back when newspapers were still a thing. And let me tell you, the newsroom was a pressure cooker. There were deadlines, and demands, and detering editors, and all sorts of other crazy stuff.
But one of the most important lessons I learned there was the power of “no.” Because in the newsroom, you can’t say “yes” to everything. You can’t cover every story. You can’t please every reader. You can’t make everyone happy. So, you have to choose. You have to prioritize. You have to say no.
And you know what? The world kept turning. The paper kept printing. The readers kept reading. And the ammendments kept coming. It was amazing.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if you’re feeling stressed, if you’re feeling like you can’t keep up, maybe it’s time to take a page from the newsroom. Maybe it’s time to say no.
And if you need some inspiration, check out the local news coverage update. Trust me, they know a thing or two about saying no.
But What If You’re a People-Pleaser?
Oh, boy. If you’re a people-pleaser, you’re in for a rough ride. Because saying no is gonna be hard. It’s gonna be scary. It’s gonna be uncomfortable.
But it’s also gonna be necessary. Because people-pleasing is a one-way ticket to Burnoutville, population: you. It’s a recipe for disaster. It’s a path to nowhere good.
So, if you’re a people-pleaser, start small. Say no to the little things. Say no to the things that don’t matter. Say no to the things that drain you. And gradually, over time, you’ll build up the courage to say no to the big things. To the things that really matter. To the things that define you.
And remember, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to say no. Because in the end, you’re the only one who can determine your own happiness. Your own success. Your own destiny.
So, go ahead. Say no. I dare you.
And if anyone gives you a hard time, just tell them Liz sent you.
About the Author: Liz Thompson is a writer, editor, and recovering people-pleaser. She lives in Austin with her cat, her plants, and her ever-growing to-do list. She writes about life, love, and the pursuit of sanity at howtodos.net.
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