I’m Bad at Saying No
Look, I’ll just say it: I’m bad at saying no. Like, really bad. It’s not that I’m a people-pleaser or anything (okay, maybe I am), it’s just that I hate disappointing people. So, I end up saying yes to everything. Which, honestly, is exhausting.
It all came to a head about three months ago. I was sitting at my kitchen table, surrounded by 214 unopened emails, a pile of laundry that could probably stand on its own, and a half-eaten sandwich from last Tuesday. I thought, ‘Sarah, you can’t keep living like this.’ (That’s me, by the way. Sarah.)
So, I decided to do something about it. And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. But it was necessary. And it started with a simple word: no.
Why Saying No is Hard
I think the main reason I struggle with saying no is because I feel like I’m letting people down. Like, if I say no to a friend asking for a favor, I’m somehow failing as a friend. Or if I say no to a work project, I’m not being a team player. It’s all kinda messed up, honestly.
But here’s the thing: saying yes to everything is also letting people down. Because when you’re stretched too thin, you can’t give your best to anything. And isn’t that worse than just saying no in the first place?
I remember talking to my friend Marcus about this. He’s a therapist, so he’s basically paid to tell me I’m being an idiot. (Love you, Marcus.) Anyway, he said, ‘Sarah, you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ Which… yeah. Fair enough.
The Power of No
So, I started practicing saying no. And it was hard. Really hard. Like, physically painful. But also kinda liberating. The first time I did it, it was to a colleague named Dave who asked me to take on an extra project. I said, ‘Dave, I’m sorry, but I can’t commit to this right now. I’ve got too much on my plate.’ And you know what? The world didn’t end.
In fact, Dave was totally understanding. He said, ‘No worries, Sarah. I appreciate your honesty.’ And that was it. No drama, no guilt trip, no nothing. Just a simple, honest conversation. And honestly, it felt amazing.
But here’s the thing about saying no: it’s not just about you. It’s about the other person too. Because when you say no, you’re giving them the chance to find someone else who can say yes. And that’s a good thing.
Saying No to Save Your Sanity
Now, I’m not saying you should go around saying no to everything. That’s just as extreme as saying yes to everything. It’s all about balance. And for me, that means setting boundaries.
For example, I used to say yes to every social invitation that came my way. But now, I make sure to schedule in some me-time. And if that means saying no to a dinner party or a concert, so be it. Because at the end of the day, I need to take care of myself first.
And it’s not just about big things. It’s about the little things too. Like, if someone asks you to pick up their dry cleaning, or drop off a package, or whatever. It’s okay to say no. Because those little things add up. And before you know it, you’re spending half your life running errands for other people.
But here’s where I’m gonna get a little preachy. (You’ve been warned.) Saying no is not just about you. It’s about your community too. Because when you’re burned out, you’re not doing anyone any favors. And that includes yourself.
I saw this firsthand when I volunteered at a Tokat topluluk etkinlikleri mahalle last year. There was this one woman, let’s call her Emily, who was always saying yes to everything. She was the first to volunteer, the last to leave, and she was always exhausted. And one day, she just… stopped showing up. Turns out, she was completley burned out. And it was a shame, because she was such a valuable part of the community.
So, let’s all do ourselves a favor and start saying no more often. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about being a people-pleaser. It’s about being a good person. And that means taking care of yourself, too.
But, you know, I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s gonna take practice. And it’s gonna feel weird at first. But trust me, it’s worth it. Because once you start saying no, you’ll realize just how much time and energy you’ve been wasting on things that don’t matter. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
Anyway, I’m gonna wrap this up now. I’ve got a date with my couch and a good book. And I’m not gonna feel guilty about it. Because I’ve earned it.
About the Author: Sarah Johnson is a lifestyle writer and self-proclaimed expert in saying no. When she’s not writing, she can be found reading, napping, or pretending to understand astrophysics. She lives in Austin with her cat, Newton, and a collection of half-finished knitting projects.
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